So, girls, we know we love to love. We just love to love even when it’s not worth it, even when the love is undeserving of all we’ve got.
We just love anyway hoping and always hoping that our love can change a man or make all the difference.
I have news for you beautiful. It doesn’t. Men don’t change because of how much you love them, men change because they want to.
They change when it becomes convenient for them. Of course, it is true of the saying “men are selfish”. Yes, baby, they are.
The essence of this post is not to diss the guys. No, you boys know I love you all. The thing is we are just really tired of all the heartbreaks and tears and all the “I never knew he was like this or I thought he would change.
The bottom line is we have taken it upon ourselves to dig deep and find some helpful pointers to help our young ladies when considering a relationship or any long-term commitment.
Personally, as much as i am a risk taker, I strongly believe in the better safe than sorry principle. We can never ever overemphasize the “better late than broken” principle.
So, in no particular order let us get right to it.
• The Obsessive: An obsessive man is dangerous. This is because there is a very thin line between obsession, abuse (physical/emotional) and murder. Yes, it is that serious.
Do not be deceived, there is nothing sweet or cute in the way he checkmates your activities and routine.
Do not ignore how clingy he gets and how upset he feels when you don’t give him attention or smile with another man.
Do not be blinded by the honeymoon stage euphoria, put on your rational/practical thinking cap even as you do the whole emotional thing.
We are women, multitasking is our thing. Be observant enough to see these things and take to your heels.
• The Addict: So, he tells you jokingly or seriously “I really can’t go a day without a bottle, a stick of cigarette or sex”.
Whichever it is honey, RUN. It is going to sound like a joke till its no longer a joke when he can’t seem to keep money in his account and hold some at hand.
And he’s going to be defending it with the excuse that he told you from the beginning and you stayed.
So do not expect him to stop or change because of you. If you push harder he will end up becoming worse.
Men hate being told what they can or cannot do, especially when you are married to him. THIS PARTICULAR ACT IS ONE OF THE MAJOR CRISIS IN MARRIAGES. Do not gamble with your future.
• The Entitled: It Is a man’s world or so they say. Of course, it is a man’s world but it would be nothing without a woman in it.
As a woman, you ought to let this sink in. No matter how complete he is, he still needs you and that is why he came to you.
So there is no need to outdo yourself, true a real woman knows that a real man always comes first. But when a man starts feeling and acting like he deserves every little thing and being unappreciative and insensitive, its time to face front sister.
• The Controller: Girl, there’s a difference between partnership and ownership. The nature of your relationship depends on what you allowed from the beginning.
No, it is not cute that he doesn’t allow you use your mind by wanting to make every decision for you.
Controlling men are temperamental and have high tendencies of physical abuse when and if you start acting against their laid out pattern. Proceed at your own risk.
• The lazy/ UNDERACHIEVER:
These kind of men are usually good looking and so they feel their looks are enough. They lack the necessary zeal to successfully pursue a career or even a relationship.
Just like the entitled, the lazy underachiever believes everything should be handed to him on a platter of gold.
They never put in their best to achieve anything. This kind of man will not only ruin you emotionally but financially and physically too.
• The Narcissist: This is the most dangerous one of all. A narcissist can ruin your self-esteem for life. They have tons of charisma and charm, especially in the beginning.
They know how to seduce a woman. They know the right things to say and the right words to use. They are experts at this. Smooth talking is their gift.
A narcissist believes the world revolves around him, and once he sucks you in, everything in your life and affairs become about him. This is disastrous to your mental health.
But despite any red flags or things that don’t add up from his past, you fall hard and fast. Once he has you where he wants you, the games will begin.
He may love you, but he loves himself more.
He lacks empathy for other people and if you ever question him or what he’s doing, he will manipulate you into thinking you’re insecure, jealous, paranoid or just plain crazy.
At the end of the day, he’s out for him and only him and will use any form of manipulation to get what he wants.
Run…just run from this one, no matter how much you may love him.
• The Cheater/Manipulator: This type of guy is someone you hooked up with while he was in a relationship. You knew he was in a relationship but believed you were better for him than the other woman because he made you believe that.
He insisted they were “on a break,” or things were so bad with his girlfriend that they were definitely breaking up anyway, so it was fine.
You knew it was wrong and you didn’t want to do it, but your heart just couldn’t help it.
He was just so charming and enamored with you. Once this guy gets you hooked, you think you’re the right person for him, and he and his ex-were wrong for each other.
You were both attracted to each other by the universe and it was meant to be. Get real. He’s probably going to cheat on you, too. Sorry.
Why would he act differently with other girls? He sees something he wants and he goes after it.
Right and wrong don’t mean much to him — only personal gain and pleasure. If he gets caught, he has at least five excuses in his back pocket he can use on you.
He is usually very smart and calculating; a smooth talker who gets what he wants by charming his way out of any sort of discipline.
He’s constantly making excuses for his behavior. If you go ahead? YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
• The Momma’s Boy: We would rather call these ones overgrown babies. No, when they approach you they aren’t looking for a girlfriend, they are looking for that woman who would cook, wash and clean for them.
Don’t even bother you can never compete with his mom and you can never win even if you try.
Momma’s boys can be hard to know from the onset, but here are some pointers:
- He always has to check with his mother before making plans with you.
- His mom has to approve every of his decision.
- He openly compares the things you do with his mom’s. Do we need to continue? Well, you know what is best for you.
• The Broke Guy: Money doesn’t buy love but money CAN make a relationship a whole lot easier. So the broke guy? With no dreams, ambitions and future plans is a no-no.
If he wants you? Or the finer things in life he has to get up his lazy ass. You shouldn’t be the girl drooling over other couples vacation pictures on the gram or wishing for some fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant every once in awhile.
Money makes romance not love…lol…but love is more fun with a fat wallet.
So there you have it, girls, it’s a long list so you can add yours in the comment section below….
PS: Put on your thinking cap honey.