We all know how relationships are these days, so lets just cut to the chase. It is hard enough to find someone you reason on the same level with, it is even more difficult to find someone you truly connect with on that special level everyone yearns for. But remember, sparks are dangerous, they can cause flames and flames burn. Nobody likes burns.
The truth is, men, scare easily no matter how macho they tend to come off. So the things you say and do around a man you are just getting to know will determine the direction of that relationship. If you talk and act like a sports fish, he is going to treat you like one and discard you as such.
But if you talk, ask reasonable questions and carry yourself like a keeper? If he was there for less? He is going to start reevaluating himself as soon as possible. The power is in your hands’ girl, wield it like a wakandan warrior, lol.
This is not a list of dos and don’ts. All we are trying to achieve here is to help our girls and ladies actually have a shot at a true and lasting relationship. Yes I am one of those “let’s call it as it is, lay the cards on the table kinda girl” if he’s going to stay, he will, if he won’t, fine.
But over the years I have come to learn that some things are best left for the later time. So, let us get right to it.
- “My ex always used to say”: so you agreed to go out with this new guy because you want to get to know him. And if possible replace your ex with him, then why bring up what your ex-used to say???. Well, the men have confirmed that this single phrase is a deal breaker for them. You ask why? The answer is simple. It is because they are men.
- “I want to love you”: Agreed, you have been lonely for awhile, yearning to be held but, girl? Even if jokingly, put a sock on it. Don’t say it.it doesn’t matter how long you have been talking on the phone or chatting on Whatsapp, the fact remains you are just getting to meet this person in person lol. In fact, do not bring in any emotional talk. A first date and the dates that would possibly follow maybe the best times you get to know the person or at least the starting process of knowing.
- You’re too cute to be single: Aunty! But so are you. Now, this particular talk goes both ways. It is just plain rude to say to someone you are just getting to know that he/she is too fine to be single. When did singleness become a disease or sin? You tell me.
- How many people have you slept with: Girl!!! You really wanna know??? And what would you do with the information? Says he tells you, which of course he won’t. There are so many things to talk about on the first date than body count. In fact, I was thinking new relationships meant new beginnings, if so, why bring in the old. Just talk about something else. Hockey, plants, football etc lol.
- “My parents will like you”: REALLY??? you think that sounds cute and he will like that, but sorry girl, it doesn’t, and he is going to run as fast as his legs can carry him. its a buster, it says I am desperate, I can drag just about any man to my parents right now. So don’t be surprised if he doesn’t call you again.
- Finances: ok, we get it, you are at the point where you don’t want to waste your time, but darling you have no business asking about his finances or how much he earns on the first date. And you don’t have to talk about your finances either. There are things that will just sort out themselves during the course of time naturally.
- Past mistakes: hmmmm, how do I explain this? Let’s say you have had abortions in the past, you have no reason to tell him on the first date unless you just don’t want to see him again. If the relationship progresses more than that, fine you can tell him IF He ever gets to ask, But if he doesn’t, aunty let what happened in Vegas remain in Vegas.
- Intentions: let us say, you are at the point in your life when you don’t want a commitment or marriage. You probably just want to get laid. Don’t say it. Don’t even imply it. There is a common saying that men love to be used. It is a fallacy. Men do not love to be used. Instead, they prefer to use. There are chances that you both might be in for the same reasons. Don’t be the one to say it. Be a lady and let him take the lead if you truly wanna get laid by him.
- “I wouldn’t mind getting married next year.”: As earlier stated above, your intentions don’t matter right now. We know you want to spell it out, define it, know what you are in for. But babe there is time for everything. A first date or even subsequent dates is definitely not the time. Imagine saying that to your date at a New Year’s Eve party a few minutes before midnight. Being desperate has never been sadder than this. And trust me he is going to bail even if he genuinely likes you. He may come back, but for now, he will need to go think it through.
- “Is your mother still alive??”: Girl!!! You are not the only one with mother in law phobia. Let the relationship make wings first before you start thinking of ways to get rid of the woman who brought him into this world. If not? For all men, this particular date will be the last supper. And mind you he may take DESSERT while at it, it doesn’t change anything.
- Sexual practices: A first date is never the time to discuss what you like or don’t like in bed. If you have a bag of sex toys in your closet, don’t share. Don’t, under any circumstance, talk about past lovers and their talents and preferences. Do not. I repeat, DO NOT. Even if he picks the topic, do not indulge him, IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE A SPORTS FISH OR BE TREATED AS ONE. Tactically switch to how much you love Real Madrid. Lol
- How miserable and lonely you are: Chances are your date is equally miserable and lonely, but it’s still a big turnoff and should be kept for your therapist. For your date, put on your best face and keep it in the light zone. And who knows? Maybe Some magic will happen and you won’t have to tell anyone about how lonely and miserable you have been any more.
- Deep feelings: A first date is no time to talk about how intense and passionate you are. Let him find that out in the way you laugh or in the way you talk about your job and hobbies, let his imaginations do the rest. You don’t have to say it.
We can go on and on, but the truth remains that the way you present yourself to a man is exactly how he is going to treat you. Even if you later adjust, the impression has been made. So ladies, instead of talking about things that will definitely sort themselves out later, talk about pressing things, for example, his life, his career, where he is headed. Ask reasonable questions that will guarantee a second date to finish up the discussion #winks. That is, of course, if you still want to see him.
So girls, there you have it, you can tell us what we missed out or what you think. We are social, always feel free to share.